The title of this article is a verbatim excerpt from a non-Filipino friend's email that I opted to quote since it is very representative of the state (of management and/or handling) at which our airports are in, right now! Oops, okay, let us qualify that… as far as we the passengers are concerned!
My response to that email: "I agree to the nth degree!
The reply: "Can't you the taxpayers bring this up to the government authorities?"
My next response: "Of course we can. This is a free country! But there is a BIG twist! Instead of trying to address the concern pronto, the airport authorities - even the president of this archipelago - will spend the people's money researching and trying to find who I am, then get even busier trying to discredit me on media or elsewhere and try all they can to invalidate my concern or isolate me from saying anything else anymore! Perhaps they will even run a senate or congressional investigation and imprison me! Meanwhile, everyone in the government's roster will relegate the concern/s to "just another disgruntled citizen who woke up on the wrong side of his bed..." That is just how it is over here!" And I ended the message with my favorite: “ha ha ha”!
The next reply: "So what do you the Filipinos in general do?"
My next response: "... we silently curse everyone responsible and hope they die altogether and at the very same time... but in fact, we actually adjust our lives to keep up with that shameful reality, so that we at least feel that it does not encumber us anymore..."
Gosh! I must be a true Filipino! Resilience is a great talent of Filipinos and I have it! Yey!
Let’s spell out some of the striking idiocies at our airports particularly with those that are in Metro Manila (since they are the most chaotic anyway). By doing so, we will know what to expect when going through an airport. Thus, we can prepare ourselves for them!
There are three (actually four!) airports in Metro Manila and all are located in the City of Pasay and are not even a kilometer away from each other. And yes, the city of Parañaque has for decades been disputing with the city of Pasay about "jurisdiction" over those airports and runways – as if we care anyway!
The Four Airports!
First, there is the old Domestic Airport. It is rather a shack compared to the other airports but just the same is still quite busy with many (if not most of the) domestic flights from and to Manila except for Philippine Airlines (PAL) flights.
Second, there is the old Manila International Airport called NAIA 1 (Ninoy Aquino International Airport Terminal 1). Locals pronounce that as “nuh-eee-yuh”. Many people still refer to it as MIA (pronounced “mee-yuh”) for its old name Manila International Airport. Sometimes it’s MIA 1 (for MIA Terminal One). It has been the international terminal for some time now and it is still where international flights come-and-go except for those of PAL.
Third, there is the NAIA 2 Terminal (also called Centennial Terminal or MIA 2). It is where all PAL domestic and international flights come and go.
And now, Fourth, there is the new airport called Terminal 3 which was just about done in 2002 but still not being used. It is a useless edifice worth 500million US Dollars! And yes, it may have to rot with the elements before the issues can be settled by the bright minds manning our judicial system! Aren’t we proud of them?! Yeah!
You must know that all those airports are owned and managed by the government under what it calls the Manila International Airport Authority or MIAA. And all airliners that use these airports pay millions of money monthly to this MIAA for using those terminals and parking their planes even just for a very short while. That said, this gives you an indication that if you have a problem with the airport, don’t complain to the airline. Its not their turf!
Oh the centennial terminal is not owned by PAL! In fact, that edifice also had a turbulent start which almost got to be what the state of the fourth terminal is right now. That building was proudly announced worldwide that it was going to replace the old Domestic Terminal which really does need some kind of a face-lift or total overhaul to make it a bit more respectable! When done though, the government was purportedly charging exuberant fees to the airliners that must use them so that they all decided to stay where they were (the old domestic terminal). Then for whatever shameful reason (which was not anymore too publicly advertised by your dear government), PAL has finally agreed to use it solo for all its domestic and international flights. And you know very well, that Lucio Tan won’t have accepted so without any great concessions, right? Hmm, we can only surmise!
But let us go down to what affects us, the lowly travelers, on a day-to-day flight experience!
Irritant One – Security check outside the building!
Approaching any of the three airports (that are being used anyway) is fairly much the same. You encounter the first nuisance called "security check" meters before you even get to the building (that is if you came via a private car, a cab or a private jeep!). Guards will stop the vehicle at some make-shift check-point, ask the drivers to open the trunk (if there is), then look around it as if searching for something but obviously just doing a ceremonial "instruction from the boss". You can even hear them continue their conversations and banter as they are doing this. One guard will be wielding a stick that has a mirror at one end and use it as if to inspect the lower crevices of your vehicle. At times (not always), another guard will even ask the driver to open the glove compartment and look at it – usually while he is standing just outside the driver's door – which is exactly at the opposite side of the glove compartment! So here we see your first group of idiots!
There are twists to this "ceremony"! If you came by public transport (bus, jeep or even tricycle) you will naturally be dropped off some bit of a distance more and you walk with your entire luggage to the airport terminal WITHOUT passing via the "ceremony" described above. If you also approached the airport via those big private tour buses, the guards don't bother to peek at anything nor go up the bus and inspect but rather just let them proceed. And of course, if you are a government official – even to as lowly as just a Barangay Captain – and you have in your command a vehicle that has those siren lights (locally called "wangwang") or a motorcycle mounted policeman escorting you along, your vehicle is exempted from this "ceremony"! Of course you have to be “red-plated” – even if it was 8PM or 3AM and even if it was a weekend! Gosh!
You might be interested to know that I once politely asked one of those guards why those "wangwang" cars are exempted. His equally polite answer was "to show respect to our public officials, sir". Mind-rending, don't you agree?! Seems only the “officials” command respect in this country! As if we don’t know that any vehicle on earth can be planted with explosives without the owner’s knowledge, right?
Anyway, if you review all those instances above, you won't see a chance that these guards will catch a bomb or even just a firearm (long or short) if you wrapped it or placed it in any kind of luggage or container and placed it on any car seat! They just don't look there!
Why is it irritating? Because even my 8 year old nephew can feel that it’s a useless exercise since they are not serious about it anyway. They are not thorough. They have too many exceptions/exemptions. Therefore it is such a nuisance to many of us as it just delays the way to our flights.
Irritant Two – the NAIA 2 curbside!
This one only applies to the Centennial Terminal (NAIA 2) since if you are at the Old Domestic Airport or NAIA 1, you will already be entering the building - and that is our third topic below!
At the curbside, there is another guard just about three steps from where you get off your vehicle. The wide entrance in this foyer-like structure is ceremoniously blocked by some kind of make-shift steel fence or a group of luggage carts so that we the passengers filter through this guard. This guard will ask to see your tickets and passports. This is most especially true if you do not have any checked luggage. They will think you are just another idiot (like them) who finds a lifestyle by strolling around an airport. Gosh!
I did ask one of those guards why they are doing this kind of check. And the polite reply was: “so that only passengers can enter”. But as everyone knows, there are a lot of non-passengers loitering around just behind him and before the main doors.
So why is it irritating? Because again, they have exceptions!
Irritant Three – entering the building!
This is adjudged by many fellow travelers as the BEST IRRITANT in the whole airport experience!
Now you attempt to enter the building. For the Old Domestic Airport and Terminal 1, these are the doors just a few steps from the curbside. While at the Terminal 2, this is some 50 or so steps from your first encounter with Irritant Two!
Noticeably, these are also just after you were harangued and harassed by a sea of porters trying to carry your luggage for you (in exchange for a hefty sum) for that few meters walk to the check-in counters! Why can’t they stay still or be kept in one place and wait until any of the passengers need them? A single signage that says “Porterage” should be enough for everyone to realize where they are and what they are for. In fact, this is exactly what has been done to the hotel representatives and limousine services down at the arrival areas. They have some kind of a restraint by way of giving them dedicated counters where they should rightfully stay put. And to think, these people are definitely more learned and have the professional decorum than porters who mostly have not even seen secondary school. If my whims can be followed, these porters should even be caged and let out only when needed! Hehehe!
Anyway, the ENTRANCE to the building is where you join that seemingly endless line of passengers with various facial expressions of irritation and even consternation. All ye passengers must queue up with your luggage in tow and that your tickets and passports (IDs for Domestic Flights) must also be in one hand ready to be presented to a guard. The guard wants to check if you really are going to board a flight and if you are really you!
So why do you get pissed at this “ceremony”?
Well, for one, the queuing takes a lot of time. And who wants to be standing in line for as long as 30 minutes (sometimes even more) just to be able to enter the airport? More irritating if you have an “open” ticket as the guard will be hesitant to let you in. They’re not airline people in the first place. They are just idiots who never finished college and were trained to guard buildings against pilferers. Why let them examine an airline ticket and your identity? Aber?! That’s why they take a lot of time browsing through you “open-dated” ticket or the printout of your e-ticket or electronic booking! Nyeta talaga!
Your blood will also boil at the knowledge why you are being asked to toe this line when there could be a lot of entrances to this building? Oh yes, indeed! If you look at the design of all airports in the Philippines (even in the whole world), they all have wide frontages to allow for passengers to enter comfortably at MANY doors without falling in line for 30 minutes.
Take the case of the three airports in this discussion. The old domestic terminal, old as it is, has a very wide frontage. But instead of putting in at least three or four doors, they glassed everything up and erected just one door to ensure that there is a bottleneck of irritated passengers so that we have something to fume about! Terminals 1 and 2 are no different.
And, I’ll bet if you asked their architects, those airports were not envisioned to just have single narrow entrances. Terminal 1 at least has two so it has the shortest line amongst the three airports at any given time. Oh okay, Terminal 2 also has two! And as if I don’t know that it is just one door that they divided into two! Bottom-line is, if there are a lot of passengers lining up, THAT only means there are not enough doors to enter through! Period.
Be wary if you are entering the old domestic airport on a rainy day. And the line can go to as far as the police station beyond the offices of Cebu Pacific and Asian Spirit!
Now look at the entrances of airports such as Hongkong, Bangkok or Singapore! You will realize the great difference. Entrance pa lang yan! And we want to compete with them?! Shame!
I actually had a chance to casually discuss this with one of the employees of MIAA sometime ago (not a guard, excuse me, pleeease!). It was intimated to me that the MIAA can’t have so many entrances because it can’t afford any more x-ray machines. I just thought it was bullshit of the highest order. If you can’t put in enough machines, then don’t put up a bloody airport. My goodness, as if we the passengers don’t have an idea at how many millions worth is a day’s collection of terminal fees! The amount of which they have incidentally just doubled sometime mid-2005. Add to that the millions of travel taxes paid for international tickets. And as if we don’t get reminded every month that a 3rd of our monthly wages go to this government – without a choice. Sus!
Here is more, just beside the entrance of the domestic terminal and in between the two lines of passengers at terminal 2 are smaller doors about as big as your normal glass door at any building in Metro Manila. Yes, I have already politely inquired about them doors many times over. At one time I was too direct to heatedly ask an airport police of Terminal 2 why a known politician was allowed to enter at that door while me and my family was grueling it out in the lines. I was calmly answered, “VIP kasi yun boss”! And as if adding salt and kalamansi to a gaping wound, about 3 or 4 minutes thereafter, two “movie stars” with escorts (whom I was sure were not all passengers) were led through that bloody door. And as I furiously looked at the airport police, he gave me that sorry look plus a shrug of his shoulders which I understood to mean “wala tayong magagawa, order sa taas yan e”!
I agree, this part of the airport is really the best irritant! Why? Because again of the unnecessary long wait by the riding paying public and the bloody exceptions. These people who call themselves “public officials” – but during election campaigns call themselves “public servants” – and who probably are in another junket with the people’s money anyway, should be told to use some other entrance somewhere far from the public’s eye if at all they have to be accorded that special treatment. Now, is it any wonder why we think these “public servants” can’t seem to legislate what they ought to legislate? They don’t see what we see because they are always treated as if they were gods – and their lowly egos love it! Shame, the uselessness of many a lawmaker!
Okay, include those celebrities and those trying to be celebrities. And include also, those media men who think they are celebrities. Let them pass anywhere away from my sight while I am falling in line in every stupid airport entrance. If I don’t see them being accorded preferential treatment, then I am not irritated. And close those little glass doors. Everyone – even the employees of those airports should fall in line. That way, everyone should pass through this harrowing experience so that everyone will agree that indeed, there is a need to re-think these “processes”.
Special Note:
I did not realize the movie actors (mentioned above) were on the same flight as ours! During boarding and while a lot of passengers were lining up, with my family in tow, I went up to the front not following the line and presented our boarding passes to the gate staff. One of the actors called out to me with an obviously irritated “excuse me?!” So I looked at him with all the fire in my eyes and loudly exclaimed, “Do you understand English? The announcement said CLUB MEMBERS AND BUSINESS CLASS PASSENGERS MAY BOARD ANYTIME. You are in economy class so stick to that line and we all are in business class AND WE PAID FOR IT. Then I proudly scanned the faces of their “alalays” who were standing by the sides (not passengers but just the same were allowed to enter the airport) then my family slowly piled-in going into the plane!
Golly, I was ready to engage that actor in a verbal fight that day! All because of an irritating experience at the entrance to an airport! See what an airport can do?! From that time on, I have lost respect and can only think of nothing but criticism on that actor. Why? Because he belongs to a group of idiots in this country who think they can jump any grueling line. Kasi naman, why can’t they all come to terms with it that all must suffer falling in line if only for our “beautiful” government to finally realize they need to do something. Ok, ok, actor was VIP at the entrance… but where my money starts talking, I will assert it! He was Economy Class, my family was on Business Class. His false ego had to know… and I had to do it! This time… (even if I hate it) money was VIP. Mas mahal binayaran ko di hamak!
Irritant Four – X-Ray #1
The first x-ray machine! At terminals 1 and 2, these machines are just no more than 6 steps away from the entrance door. As with everywhere else, you are required to pass all of your belongings through these machines. You put coins, belts, cellular phones, cameras and just about everything metal in a tray which you just-the-same also load on to the conveyor of the x-ray machine. If you do protest that a camera or cellphone or baby food may not be passed through an x-ray, the authorities there will oblige to have you toss the tray to the other side without passing inside the machine or under the small “gate” that is supposed to be a metal detector. Hmm, did your subversive mind pick-up anything here? Be good… c’mon! Oh don’t complain yet, this is standard security procedure, right?
As luggage and the trays go through the machine, passengers pass one after the other under that metal detecting little gate and are received by an officer who physically gropes through your body parts. They even wield that portable metal detector, so probably that “gate” is not enough or not at all working. The wait for your turn to this “examination area” is actually bearable.
The most “abhorable” scenario here is in that domestic wing of Terminal 2. The lady who mans that x-ray machine during early mornings just keeps on running the damn conveyor belt without a care where your luggage are and whether you realize that your laptop or camera is already being crushed by other oncoming heavy luggage and balikbayan boxes. Okay, let us give a little bit of fairness. Maybe she desires to let all passengers in immediately since she can see the very long queue outside as her seat faces that part of the airport. Just the same, she is still an idiot!
At one time, I actually protested to the lady why she kept the conveyor running when it was already full and my notebook was probably already being crushed to pieces. Her arrogant reply was even a stern: “eh di damputin nyo na”! The tone of her voice seemed to declare that I owed her my life. ‘Tangina nya, I was again ready for a verbal battle here but before I could open my mouth, an old man in a brown suit (probably a lawyer or preacher or anything) was quick to retort: “eh gago ka pala e! kita mo na andito pa kami hinihimas isa-isa nitong kasama mo e! pano namin makuha ang baggage namin? Pag nasira ang camera ko, ihahabla kita! Magseserbisyo ka na rin lang, ayusin mo. Ikaw pa ang mayabang at walang respeto kung makapagsalita ka akala mo mga tauhan mo kami…” and there was a lot more bla bla bla from the old man that I just left them to it! I did hear the righteous old man say “alam mo ba pera namin ang nagpapa-suweldo sa inyo” and many other things. But I was sure of one thing – this is the expertise of ALL government service employees anyway – those words will not have entered the conscience of that lady. Oh government!
I did learn a technique here and I do it every time I pass through those x-ray machines. When I feel like my things are already being crushed by other luggage, I shout and shriek on top of my voice for the lady to stop the conveyor belt. It catches the attention of everyone in the vicinity. But, IT WORKS!
This terminal 2 domestic wing really has a lot for passengers. At one instance, I entered just ahead of a passenger who looked like he just came from Saudi Arabia. You know... the engineers, the unsung heroes… those who toil it out there to earn a living. He was well built, probably works in some construction company. Burly man actually. While I was still the one being frisked and he waited for his turn, the pieces of luggage and plastic trays crushed as the very same arrogant lady won’t stop the machine. The burly man’s tray with his wristwatch, rings (yes he had more than one!) and cellular phone and a lot of coins was toppled sideways and all its contents scattered in all directions on the floor. Rolling her eyeballs, the idiot of a lady has this to say: “hay naku”! And she went on with it. The man just kept silent and started gathering his watch, rings and cellular phone. No one bothered to assist him. I slowed down so I could witness this scene but did not attempt to help lest I be accused of pocketing some of those coins. When the man was already leaving the area without picking the coins, the lady exclaimed “sir, yung coins mo, andami pang naka-kalat”. I almost clapped at the man’s reply: “kainin mo isa-isa, linti ka”! Frankly, in my mind, that fat lady there needs to die together with her excellent attitude. I just pray it should be soon!
Now, be wary of the x-ray machine at the old domestic terminal. It’s very high up to about 3 feet or more. So if any of your things fell to the ground, breakables will naturally break! But at least, this I have observed many times over, the ladies there are sensible enough to watch out if the other end is already full of luggage and they do stop the conveyor in time for passengers to pick their luggage. They even have a jollier disposition here and this is the only place in any of the three Manila airports where I get a genuine “good morning sir”!
Irritant Five – Customs check at departure!
Customs check. Yes, there is a customs check and these are found at Terminal 1 and the international wing of Terminal 2 – so if you are on domestic travel, you are free of this extra irritant. These are officers in all-white uniforms who are positioned in some kind of a low table just a few steps away from the x-ray machines!
Why they are there and what they are for is another “ceremony” you will actually wonder if anyone in the Philippine Airports were awake when god gave common sense to man! But the “authorities” must have their reason for putting those up. Even if we think it’s unreasonable!
What is this for? Well, purportedly, this is to check if you are bringing out taxable items. So they ask passengers to open their luggage and boxes here for them to check. That will make you ask yourself: “why didn’t they just sit beside the x-ray lady since the machine’s monitor can help them check the contents”. I did ask once and was told “they are security, we are customs”. Perplexing! Oh, but their way of doing this is equally perplexing. They don’t do this 100% to all passengers. It looks like they do this randomly. On what basis? Ah, my guess will just be just as bad as yours hehehe!
For some international travelers though, this is an important “ceremony” that needs to be done. Examples of those travelers who must insist to pass through this check voluntarily – even if not summoned by the uniformed men – are: those who are bringing out their laptops, video-cameras, a lot of jewelry, a lot of cash and other such “valuables”. Why? Because you will need to fill out a form declaring that those things were already in your possession going out of the country, which shall keep them from levying taxes on those items when you come back.
Irritant Six – airline security!
This is only for international travelers and just on selected flights or airlines. No, I don’t like to name them here! This is only at Terminal 1 and the international side of Terminal 2. and take note that this one is purely an airline thing so the idiots who do this are not of the government but of the airline.
The visa and documents check-point!
These are those mini-entrances to the cordoned-off area of a flight’s check-in counters which are common if you were going to the US and the Middle East. At times you will encounter this other ceremony if you were on a flight to Japan. At times, even on your way to other destinations on earth.
What do they do here?
Well, them airline people (take note again, airline not authorities, therefore not the government) would like to check your documents such as your visa, before you can even join the queue at the check-in counters. So, what is this to the common traveler? Another place to wait it out in a long line!
I did ask around why this was needed and got confusing explanations from those airlines people. They say that they need experts to check on passengers’ visas and other travel documents. But documents will still be checked by the check-in agents! Hmm, probably those check-in agents don’t have the proper documents training.
At times, they even have weighing scales at those mini-entrances to the check-in counters. They say “we have to check the actual weight of your luggage”. But your luggage is still weighed over at the check-in counters! Hmm, probably those check-in agents cannot be trusted!
At times, they say “we need people to check your tickets”. But your tickets are also checked at the check-in counters! What are those check-in agents anyway? Robots with no brains? Oh angel of redundancy, why so ever do you exist?!
And this is what I discovered – those manning the entrance to the cordoned-off area of the check-in counters are “blue-guards” – meaning security guards from the security agencies in this country where the minimum hiring requirement is a secondary education or at least 2 years in college. While the check-in agents are graduates of at least a four-year college degree. Some of them graduated so with honors like Cum Laude or Magna Cum Laude from such respected schools like UP, Ateneo or De La Salle!
When I kept asking why the need for those blue-guards since anything they do can be done by the check-in agents, the common answer was “so that check-in will be faster”. Ha?! Ano daw?!
I found that true in some idiot Filipino way though! The check-in becomes faster as far as the check-in agent is concerned! But as far as the passenger is concerned, the check-in process becomes a series of putting one’s self into so many lines that takes a whole lot of time. No wonder almost all airliners in Manila advise their passengers to be at the airport three hours before the flight instead of the normal two!
I learned from my travels that many (if not all) of these airlines define “check-in” as the time a passenger approaches the check-in counter, therefore the check-in agent. So if you are not yet lining up for the check-in agent’s counter, you are not checking-in! So, if you are lining up for that visa check or that baggage check INSIDE the cordoned off area of the airline’s check-in counters, you are not checking in yet. You are somewhere between anywhere and nowhere! Gosh!
Now who is the greater idiot? The guards, the check-in agents or the airline managers? Ahh, your guess will be as bad as mine!
Oh! If you didn’t know just yet, check-in agents’ processing time are tracked by these airlines so that they can brag about the standard that says “3-minutes” per passenger. So, what does the airline manager do? Make us attend to so many other lines so that when we face the check-in agent, all they need to issue are our boarding passes and baggage tags. Then they can falsely claim that their ground crews are fast and efficient! Make sense, right?! TO THEM! Not to us passengers! Oh idiots galore! Idiots!
Here is one more inside information I got from an airline employee: If you the passenger got denied entry at your destination for false or incomplete documents or the likes, the airline employee who checked you in is at fault and could get fired. But, weren’t your documents checked by the idiots at that small table before you lined up at the check-in counters? Idiots talaga!
Irritant Seven – Terminal Fees!
After check-in, everyone is confronted with another little stop that is big on any headache! These are the terminal fee counters.
Terminal what?
Yes, in this country that even charges you a fee for a pee, don’t think you won’t have to pay anything for having to be in an airport! Of course other countries do charge terminal fees. But in here, it is another entirely separate line that each passenger must queue in!
Well, a terminal fee is a kind of tax that each passenger must pay to the government because it erected for us the hell of an airport. It’s just like the mighty toll fee at NLEX or SLEX! Not that you wanted to be there but you have no choice but pass there. Of course I will be on your side if you start debating the difference between a terminal fee and a travel tax. But let us save that for another discussion! Let us just grant for the sake of this topic that we all are eager and happy to pay that terminal fee!
The irritating part at this point is that you have to fall in another long wait when your check-in agent could have collected that terminal fee for you. Again, I did ask many a check-in agent and terminal fee collector at all those airports and the uniform reply was “they are airline, we are airport” or the reverse “we are airport, they are airline”. With all those, only one thing comes to my mind… “#UCK”!
During my younger years, I vividly remember that those terminal fees were paid by my father at the check-in counters (international flights) and were included in the ticket fare (domestic flights). So, what happened? Bright idle minds prevailed! These government people are probably in a hurry and can only think of themselves and their wants (probably to stash that cash quicker) so they cannot consider what we the passengers have to go through! They couldn’t care if we have to fall in even a thousand lines like refugees. All they need is our cash. Period! Ooops oops oops! Hold your horses if you ever thought of asking, “don’t they also become passengers sometime”?
Technically no they don’t become so! Here’s why. The “officials” get exemptions so they don’t pay the terminal fee (and even the travel tax). Those who are not exempted and have to pay anyway have their alalays and bodyguards to line up for them so they don’t wait it out. For those non-officials in government, there are only two things – either they already have such a lot of loot they also have alalays and bodyguards to line up for them or they are dirt poor they can’t even afford an air ticket to Legaspi! Gosh! Well, those who are government employees but can afford to buy an air ticket who still have to line up at the terminal fee counters are not legislators but mere workers who sell “tocino” at their offices and probably got the air ticket money from a loan shark because they have to attend the burial of some family member in their province! So they’re just like us the riding public. Oh government! Right or wrong, rich or poor, thine ways are to be abhorred! Hehehe!
Bottom-line, we the traveling public have to queue again only to pay that outrageous terminal fee. And this is not yet the last of such irritants.
Irritant Eight – ANOTHER X-Ray Security Check?!
Before we jump into this last irritant during a “normal” departure process, let’s get some word across for the international traveler. Yes, I do recognize that after those terminal fee counters you again fall in line for the immigration counters. But that’s normal anywhere in the world, right? Maybe it’s just longer in the Philippines (though I have seen longer queues in other countries) but those immigration officials can only have so many counters as the airport authorities can give! But after immigration, good for you, you get to have a brief interlude with sanity while browsing along the duty free shops or musing at the ridiculous prices of sodas or sandwiches at those snack bars. At least you have some respite before you encounter this last irritant!
Anyway, what about this OTHER x-ray thing? Irritant as they are for the otherwise jolly traveler, these security checks “after check-in” are proof of just one thing. The authorities do not trust their people at the first security check near the entrance to the building. Otherwise everything should have been secure, clear and clean and even “sanitized” in the tone of “security parlance”! Thus, they must do a re-check! And poor us airline travelers, we have to line up again!
Most irritating part especially on the domestic terminals is that these “security checks” are just a few feet from the first ones! At the old domestic terminal, the distance is no more than 10 feet – it’s just that they’re separated by a wall since you have to make some kind of an inverted u-turn after check-in to the terminal fee counter and on to the final security x-ray.
At the centennial terminal’s domestic wing (and this should probably be listed in the Guinness book of world records), the next security x-ray is about three steps behind the terminal fee counters which is just about four or five meters from the first x-ray machine! To illustrate that distance, anyone can call out to anybody at the other x-ray machine and that call will be audibly heard! Even my 8 year old nephew questioned why those checks existed a few meters in between! If it is any consolation, we can say that these days, wisdom seems to come only from the children! And we thought people in government have to pass a civil service examination. Isn’t logic (or even common sense) part of that exam? Idiots! Really!
Irritant Nine – ANOTHER Airline Security Check!
Ah this one is for some of the international travelers – only! Many a passenger would have recovered his sanity after the 8th irritant above. But for those traveling to the US and the Middle East, there is one extra trouble. This may occur as you approach those rows of seats in front of your boarding gate (“holding area” to the airport/airline personnel). Alternatively, this can also happen just after your boarding pass was torn into half and as you walk past the gate towards the aircraft.
So what do they do here? A repeat of everything! As if to assure you they do not have any confidence in the previous security checks you have so diligently passed through, they will have an army of blue-guards (security guards like those who tend to your buildings or village gates and the likes and of course like those who man the entrance to the building) to check everything that you carry. This time, no x-rays. They use their bare hands or a stick to rummage inside your bags as if they know better than those who man the x-ray checks! Some of them will ogle at your tickets and passports and boarding passes as if they know any better than your check-in agents and your immigration officers! Idiots!
But then again this is the final obstacle to maintaining your sanity. So keep on and let them do want their lowly minds think they should rightfully do!
Final Word!
No need to raise these things to any congressman or senator. If you do anyway, you should seek a great cut from their pork barrels for having made them realize what needs to be done – even if they won’t do it anyway hahaha! All we the passengers must take into consideration is to expect these many irritants at our airports and be prepared to pass through them with calm and composure as indeed they are inevitable.
Being aware of many stupid things to come your way, all you have to do is smile with the affirmation in your mind, that indeed, these ridiculous ceremonies are true! You won’t be that irritated if you expected those things coming. Promise! You will even feel triumphant you came expecting those, especially if you prepared your “mind-set” that this is no ordinary rush to board an airplane! And everything above will now make you understand why they want you to be at the airport 3 hours before departure! Who knows, in the future, we might be required to be at the airport a day before fly time! Idiots talaga!
Enjoy your flight!
My response to that email: "I agree to the nth degree!
The reply: "Can't you the taxpayers bring this up to the government authorities?"
My next response: "Of course we can. This is a free country! But there is a BIG twist! Instead of trying to address the concern pronto, the airport authorities - even the president of this archipelago - will spend the people's money researching and trying to find who I am, then get even busier trying to discredit me on media or elsewhere and try all they can to invalidate my concern or isolate me from saying anything else anymore! Perhaps they will even run a senate or congressional investigation and imprison me! Meanwhile, everyone in the government's roster will relegate the concern/s to "just another disgruntled citizen who woke up on the wrong side of his bed..." That is just how it is over here!" And I ended the message with my favorite: “ha ha ha”!
The next reply: "So what do you the Filipinos in general do?"
My next response: "... we silently curse everyone responsible and hope they die altogether and at the very same time... but in fact, we actually adjust our lives to keep up with that shameful reality, so that we at least feel that it does not encumber us anymore..."
Gosh! I must be a true Filipino! Resilience is a great talent of Filipinos and I have it! Yey!
Let’s spell out some of the striking idiocies at our airports particularly with those that are in Metro Manila (since they are the most chaotic anyway). By doing so, we will know what to expect when going through an airport. Thus, we can prepare ourselves for them!
There are three (actually four!) airports in Metro Manila and all are located in the City of Pasay and are not even a kilometer away from each other. And yes, the city of Parañaque has for decades been disputing with the city of Pasay about "jurisdiction" over those airports and runways – as if we care anyway!
The Four Airports!
First, there is the old Domestic Airport. It is rather a shack compared to the other airports but just the same is still quite busy with many (if not most of the) domestic flights from and to Manila except for Philippine Airlines (PAL) flights.
Second, there is the old Manila International Airport called NAIA 1 (Ninoy Aquino International Airport Terminal 1). Locals pronounce that as “nuh-eee-yuh”. Many people still refer to it as MIA (pronounced “mee-yuh”) for its old name Manila International Airport. Sometimes it’s MIA 1 (for MIA Terminal One). It has been the international terminal for some time now and it is still where international flights come-and-go except for those of PAL.
Third, there is the NAIA 2 Terminal (also called Centennial Terminal or MIA 2). It is where all PAL domestic and international flights come and go.
And now, Fourth, there is the new airport called Terminal 3 which was just about done in 2002 but still not being used. It is a useless edifice worth 500million US Dollars! And yes, it may have to rot with the elements before the issues can be settled by the bright minds manning our judicial system! Aren’t we proud of them?! Yeah!
You must know that all those airports are owned and managed by the government under what it calls the Manila International Airport Authority or MIAA. And all airliners that use these airports pay millions of money monthly to this MIAA for using those terminals and parking their planes even just for a very short while. That said, this gives you an indication that if you have a problem with the airport, don’t complain to the airline. Its not their turf!
Oh the centennial terminal is not owned by PAL! In fact, that edifice also had a turbulent start which almost got to be what the state of the fourth terminal is right now. That building was proudly announced worldwide that it was going to replace the old Domestic Terminal which really does need some kind of a face-lift or total overhaul to make it a bit more respectable! When done though, the government was purportedly charging exuberant fees to the airliners that must use them so that they all decided to stay where they were (the old domestic terminal). Then for whatever shameful reason (which was not anymore too publicly advertised by your dear government), PAL has finally agreed to use it solo for all its domestic and international flights. And you know very well, that Lucio Tan won’t have accepted so without any great concessions, right? Hmm, we can only surmise!
But let us go down to what affects us, the lowly travelers, on a day-to-day flight experience!
Irritant One – Security check outside the building!
Approaching any of the three airports (that are being used anyway) is fairly much the same. You encounter the first nuisance called "security check" meters before you even get to the building (that is if you came via a private car, a cab or a private jeep!). Guards will stop the vehicle at some make-shift check-point, ask the drivers to open the trunk (if there is), then look around it as if searching for something but obviously just doing a ceremonial "instruction from the boss". You can even hear them continue their conversations and banter as they are doing this. One guard will be wielding a stick that has a mirror at one end and use it as if to inspect the lower crevices of your vehicle. At times (not always), another guard will even ask the driver to open the glove compartment and look at it – usually while he is standing just outside the driver's door – which is exactly at the opposite side of the glove compartment! So here we see your first group of idiots!
There are twists to this "ceremony"! If you came by public transport (bus, jeep or even tricycle) you will naturally be dropped off some bit of a distance more and you walk with your entire luggage to the airport terminal WITHOUT passing via the "ceremony" described above. If you also approached the airport via those big private tour buses, the guards don't bother to peek at anything nor go up the bus and inspect but rather just let them proceed. And of course, if you are a government official – even to as lowly as just a Barangay Captain – and you have in your command a vehicle that has those siren lights (locally called "wangwang") or a motorcycle mounted policeman escorting you along, your vehicle is exempted from this "ceremony"! Of course you have to be “red-plated” – even if it was 8PM or 3AM and even if it was a weekend! Gosh!
You might be interested to know that I once politely asked one of those guards why those "wangwang" cars are exempted. His equally polite answer was "to show respect to our public officials, sir". Mind-rending, don't you agree?! Seems only the “officials” command respect in this country! As if we don’t know that any vehicle on earth can be planted with explosives without the owner’s knowledge, right?
Anyway, if you review all those instances above, you won't see a chance that these guards will catch a bomb or even just a firearm (long or short) if you wrapped it or placed it in any kind of luggage or container and placed it on any car seat! They just don't look there!
Why is it irritating? Because even my 8 year old nephew can feel that it’s a useless exercise since they are not serious about it anyway. They are not thorough. They have too many exceptions/exemptions. Therefore it is such a nuisance to many of us as it just delays the way to our flights.
Irritant Two – the NAIA 2 curbside!
This one only applies to the Centennial Terminal (NAIA 2) since if you are at the Old Domestic Airport or NAIA 1, you will already be entering the building - and that is our third topic below!
At the curbside, there is another guard just about three steps from where you get off your vehicle. The wide entrance in this foyer-like structure is ceremoniously blocked by some kind of make-shift steel fence or a group of luggage carts so that we the passengers filter through this guard. This guard will ask to see your tickets and passports. This is most especially true if you do not have any checked luggage. They will think you are just another idiot (like them) who finds a lifestyle by strolling around an airport. Gosh!
I did ask one of those guards why they are doing this kind of check. And the polite reply was: “so that only passengers can enter”. But as everyone knows, there are a lot of non-passengers loitering around just behind him and before the main doors.
So why is it irritating? Because again, they have exceptions!
Irritant Three – entering the building!
This is adjudged by many fellow travelers as the BEST IRRITANT in the whole airport experience!
Now you attempt to enter the building. For the Old Domestic Airport and Terminal 1, these are the doors just a few steps from the curbside. While at the Terminal 2, this is some 50 or so steps from your first encounter with Irritant Two!
Noticeably, these are also just after you were harangued and harassed by a sea of porters trying to carry your luggage for you (in exchange for a hefty sum) for that few meters walk to the check-in counters! Why can’t they stay still or be kept in one place and wait until any of the passengers need them? A single signage that says “Porterage” should be enough for everyone to realize where they are and what they are for. In fact, this is exactly what has been done to the hotel representatives and limousine services down at the arrival areas. They have some kind of a restraint by way of giving them dedicated counters where they should rightfully stay put. And to think, these people are definitely more learned and have the professional decorum than porters who mostly have not even seen secondary school. If my whims can be followed, these porters should even be caged and let out only when needed! Hehehe!
Anyway, the ENTRANCE to the building is where you join that seemingly endless line of passengers with various facial expressions of irritation and even consternation. All ye passengers must queue up with your luggage in tow and that your tickets and passports (IDs for Domestic Flights) must also be in one hand ready to be presented to a guard. The guard wants to check if you really are going to board a flight and if you are really you!
So why do you get pissed at this “ceremony”?
Well, for one, the queuing takes a lot of time. And who wants to be standing in line for as long as 30 minutes (sometimes even more) just to be able to enter the airport? More irritating if you have an “open” ticket as the guard will be hesitant to let you in. They’re not airline people in the first place. They are just idiots who never finished college and were trained to guard buildings against pilferers. Why let them examine an airline ticket and your identity? Aber?! That’s why they take a lot of time browsing through you “open-dated” ticket or the printout of your e-ticket or electronic booking! Nyeta talaga!
Your blood will also boil at the knowledge why you are being asked to toe this line when there could be a lot of entrances to this building? Oh yes, indeed! If you look at the design of all airports in the Philippines (even in the whole world), they all have wide frontages to allow for passengers to enter comfortably at MANY doors without falling in line for 30 minutes.
Take the case of the three airports in this discussion. The old domestic terminal, old as it is, has a very wide frontage. But instead of putting in at least three or four doors, they glassed everything up and erected just one door to ensure that there is a bottleneck of irritated passengers so that we have something to fume about! Terminals 1 and 2 are no different.
And, I’ll bet if you asked their architects, those airports were not envisioned to just have single narrow entrances. Terminal 1 at least has two so it has the shortest line amongst the three airports at any given time. Oh okay, Terminal 2 also has two! And as if I don’t know that it is just one door that they divided into two! Bottom-line is, if there are a lot of passengers lining up, THAT only means there are not enough doors to enter through! Period.
Be wary if you are entering the old domestic airport on a rainy day. And the line can go to as far as the police station beyond the offices of Cebu Pacific and Asian Spirit!
Now look at the entrances of airports such as Hongkong, Bangkok or Singapore! You will realize the great difference. Entrance pa lang yan! And we want to compete with them?! Shame!
I actually had a chance to casually discuss this with one of the employees of MIAA sometime ago (not a guard, excuse me, pleeease!). It was intimated to me that the MIAA can’t have so many entrances because it can’t afford any more x-ray machines. I just thought it was bullshit of the highest order. If you can’t put in enough machines, then don’t put up a bloody airport. My goodness, as if we the passengers don’t have an idea at how many millions worth is a day’s collection of terminal fees! The amount of which they have incidentally just doubled sometime mid-2005. Add to that the millions of travel taxes paid for international tickets. And as if we don’t get reminded every month that a 3rd of our monthly wages go to this government – without a choice. Sus!
Here is more, just beside the entrance of the domestic terminal and in between the two lines of passengers at terminal 2 are smaller doors about as big as your normal glass door at any building in Metro Manila. Yes, I have already politely inquired about them doors many times over. At one time I was too direct to heatedly ask an airport police of Terminal 2 why a known politician was allowed to enter at that door while me and my family was grueling it out in the lines. I was calmly answered, “VIP kasi yun boss”! And as if adding salt and kalamansi to a gaping wound, about 3 or 4 minutes thereafter, two “movie stars” with escorts (whom I was sure were not all passengers) were led through that bloody door. And as I furiously looked at the airport police, he gave me that sorry look plus a shrug of his shoulders which I understood to mean “wala tayong magagawa, order sa taas yan e”!
I agree, this part of the airport is really the best irritant! Why? Because again of the unnecessary long wait by the riding paying public and the bloody exceptions. These people who call themselves “public officials” – but during election campaigns call themselves “public servants” – and who probably are in another junket with the people’s money anyway, should be told to use some other entrance somewhere far from the public’s eye if at all they have to be accorded that special treatment. Now, is it any wonder why we think these “public servants” can’t seem to legislate what they ought to legislate? They don’t see what we see because they are always treated as if they were gods – and their lowly egos love it! Shame, the uselessness of many a lawmaker!
Okay, include those celebrities and those trying to be celebrities. And include also, those media men who think they are celebrities. Let them pass anywhere away from my sight while I am falling in line in every stupid airport entrance. If I don’t see them being accorded preferential treatment, then I am not irritated. And close those little glass doors. Everyone – even the employees of those airports should fall in line. That way, everyone should pass through this harrowing experience so that everyone will agree that indeed, there is a need to re-think these “processes”.
Special Note:
I did not realize the movie actors (mentioned above) were on the same flight as ours! During boarding and while a lot of passengers were lining up, with my family in tow, I went up to the front not following the line and presented our boarding passes to the gate staff. One of the actors called out to me with an obviously irritated “excuse me?!” So I looked at him with all the fire in my eyes and loudly exclaimed, “Do you understand English? The announcement said CLUB MEMBERS AND BUSINESS CLASS PASSENGERS MAY BOARD ANYTIME. You are in economy class so stick to that line and we all are in business class AND WE PAID FOR IT. Then I proudly scanned the faces of their “alalays” who were standing by the sides (not passengers but just the same were allowed to enter the airport) then my family slowly piled-in going into the plane!
Golly, I was ready to engage that actor in a verbal fight that day! All because of an irritating experience at the entrance to an airport! See what an airport can do?! From that time on, I have lost respect and can only think of nothing but criticism on that actor. Why? Because he belongs to a group of idiots in this country who think they can jump any grueling line. Kasi naman, why can’t they all come to terms with it that all must suffer falling in line if only for our “beautiful” government to finally realize they need to do something. Ok, ok, actor was VIP at the entrance… but where my money starts talking, I will assert it! He was Economy Class, my family was on Business Class. His false ego had to know… and I had to do it! This time… (even if I hate it) money was VIP. Mas mahal binayaran ko di hamak!
Irritant Four – X-Ray #1
The first x-ray machine! At terminals 1 and 2, these machines are just no more than 6 steps away from the entrance door. As with everywhere else, you are required to pass all of your belongings through these machines. You put coins, belts, cellular phones, cameras and just about everything metal in a tray which you just-the-same also load on to the conveyor of the x-ray machine. If you do protest that a camera or cellphone or baby food may not be passed through an x-ray, the authorities there will oblige to have you toss the tray to the other side without passing inside the machine or under the small “gate” that is supposed to be a metal detector. Hmm, did your subversive mind pick-up anything here? Be good… c’mon! Oh don’t complain yet, this is standard security procedure, right?
As luggage and the trays go through the machine, passengers pass one after the other under that metal detecting little gate and are received by an officer who physically gropes through your body parts. They even wield that portable metal detector, so probably that “gate” is not enough or not at all working. The wait for your turn to this “examination area” is actually bearable.
The most “abhorable” scenario here is in that domestic wing of Terminal 2. The lady who mans that x-ray machine during early mornings just keeps on running the damn conveyor belt without a care where your luggage are and whether you realize that your laptop or camera is already being crushed by other oncoming heavy luggage and balikbayan boxes. Okay, let us give a little bit of fairness. Maybe she desires to let all passengers in immediately since she can see the very long queue outside as her seat faces that part of the airport. Just the same, she is still an idiot!
At one time, I actually protested to the lady why she kept the conveyor running when it was already full and my notebook was probably already being crushed to pieces. Her arrogant reply was even a stern: “eh di damputin nyo na”! The tone of her voice seemed to declare that I owed her my life. ‘Tangina nya, I was again ready for a verbal battle here but before I could open my mouth, an old man in a brown suit (probably a lawyer or preacher or anything) was quick to retort: “eh gago ka pala e! kita mo na andito pa kami hinihimas isa-isa nitong kasama mo e! pano namin makuha ang baggage namin? Pag nasira ang camera ko, ihahabla kita! Magseserbisyo ka na rin lang, ayusin mo. Ikaw pa ang mayabang at walang respeto kung makapagsalita ka akala mo mga tauhan mo kami…” and there was a lot more bla bla bla from the old man that I just left them to it! I did hear the righteous old man say “alam mo ba pera namin ang nagpapa-suweldo sa inyo” and many other things. But I was sure of one thing – this is the expertise of ALL government service employees anyway – those words will not have entered the conscience of that lady. Oh government!
I did learn a technique here and I do it every time I pass through those x-ray machines. When I feel like my things are already being crushed by other luggage, I shout and shriek on top of my voice for the lady to stop the conveyor belt. It catches the attention of everyone in the vicinity. But, IT WORKS!
This terminal 2 domestic wing really has a lot for passengers. At one instance, I entered just ahead of a passenger who looked like he just came from Saudi Arabia. You know... the engineers, the unsung heroes… those who toil it out there to earn a living. He was well built, probably works in some construction company. Burly man actually. While I was still the one being frisked and he waited for his turn, the pieces of luggage and plastic trays crushed as the very same arrogant lady won’t stop the machine. The burly man’s tray with his wristwatch, rings (yes he had more than one!) and cellular phone and a lot of coins was toppled sideways and all its contents scattered in all directions on the floor. Rolling her eyeballs, the idiot of a lady has this to say: “hay naku”! And she went on with it. The man just kept silent and started gathering his watch, rings and cellular phone. No one bothered to assist him. I slowed down so I could witness this scene but did not attempt to help lest I be accused of pocketing some of those coins. When the man was already leaving the area without picking the coins, the lady exclaimed “sir, yung coins mo, andami pang naka-kalat”. I almost clapped at the man’s reply: “kainin mo isa-isa, linti ka”! Frankly, in my mind, that fat lady there needs to die together with her excellent attitude. I just pray it should be soon!
Now, be wary of the x-ray machine at the old domestic terminal. It’s very high up to about 3 feet or more. So if any of your things fell to the ground, breakables will naturally break! But at least, this I have observed many times over, the ladies there are sensible enough to watch out if the other end is already full of luggage and they do stop the conveyor in time for passengers to pick their luggage. They even have a jollier disposition here and this is the only place in any of the three Manila airports where I get a genuine “good morning sir”!
Irritant Five – Customs check at departure!
Customs check. Yes, there is a customs check and these are found at Terminal 1 and the international wing of Terminal 2 – so if you are on domestic travel, you are free of this extra irritant. These are officers in all-white uniforms who are positioned in some kind of a low table just a few steps away from the x-ray machines!
Why they are there and what they are for is another “ceremony” you will actually wonder if anyone in the Philippine Airports were awake when god gave common sense to man! But the “authorities” must have their reason for putting those up. Even if we think it’s unreasonable!
What is this for? Well, purportedly, this is to check if you are bringing out taxable items. So they ask passengers to open their luggage and boxes here for them to check. That will make you ask yourself: “why didn’t they just sit beside the x-ray lady since the machine’s monitor can help them check the contents”. I did ask once and was told “they are security, we are customs”. Perplexing! Oh, but their way of doing this is equally perplexing. They don’t do this 100% to all passengers. It looks like they do this randomly. On what basis? Ah, my guess will just be just as bad as yours hehehe!
For some international travelers though, this is an important “ceremony” that needs to be done. Examples of those travelers who must insist to pass through this check voluntarily – even if not summoned by the uniformed men – are: those who are bringing out their laptops, video-cameras, a lot of jewelry, a lot of cash and other such “valuables”. Why? Because you will need to fill out a form declaring that those things were already in your possession going out of the country, which shall keep them from levying taxes on those items when you come back.
Irritant Six – airline security!
This is only for international travelers and just on selected flights or airlines. No, I don’t like to name them here! This is only at Terminal 1 and the international side of Terminal 2. and take note that this one is purely an airline thing so the idiots who do this are not of the government but of the airline.
The visa and documents check-point!
These are those mini-entrances to the cordoned-off area of a flight’s check-in counters which are common if you were going to the US and the Middle East. At times you will encounter this other ceremony if you were on a flight to Japan. At times, even on your way to other destinations on earth.
What do they do here?
Well, them airline people (take note again, airline not authorities, therefore not the government) would like to check your documents such as your visa, before you can even join the queue at the check-in counters. So, what is this to the common traveler? Another place to wait it out in a long line!
I did ask around why this was needed and got confusing explanations from those airlines people. They say that they need experts to check on passengers’ visas and other travel documents. But documents will still be checked by the check-in agents! Hmm, probably those check-in agents don’t have the proper documents training.
At times, they even have weighing scales at those mini-entrances to the check-in counters. They say “we have to check the actual weight of your luggage”. But your luggage is still weighed over at the check-in counters! Hmm, probably those check-in agents cannot be trusted!
At times, they say “we need people to check your tickets”. But your tickets are also checked at the check-in counters! What are those check-in agents anyway? Robots with no brains? Oh angel of redundancy, why so ever do you exist?!
And this is what I discovered – those manning the entrance to the cordoned-off area of the check-in counters are “blue-guards” – meaning security guards from the security agencies in this country where the minimum hiring requirement is a secondary education or at least 2 years in college. While the check-in agents are graduates of at least a four-year college degree. Some of them graduated so with honors like Cum Laude or Magna Cum Laude from such respected schools like UP, Ateneo or De La Salle!
When I kept asking why the need for those blue-guards since anything they do can be done by the check-in agents, the common answer was “so that check-in will be faster”. Ha?! Ano daw?!
I found that true in some idiot Filipino way though! The check-in becomes faster as far as the check-in agent is concerned! But as far as the passenger is concerned, the check-in process becomes a series of putting one’s self into so many lines that takes a whole lot of time. No wonder almost all airliners in Manila advise their passengers to be at the airport three hours before the flight instead of the normal two!
I learned from my travels that many (if not all) of these airlines define “check-in” as the time a passenger approaches the check-in counter, therefore the check-in agent. So if you are not yet lining up for the check-in agent’s counter, you are not checking-in! So, if you are lining up for that visa check or that baggage check INSIDE the cordoned off area of the airline’s check-in counters, you are not checking in yet. You are somewhere between anywhere and nowhere! Gosh!
Now who is the greater idiot? The guards, the check-in agents or the airline managers? Ahh, your guess will be as bad as mine!
Oh! If you didn’t know just yet, check-in agents’ processing time are tracked by these airlines so that they can brag about the standard that says “3-minutes” per passenger. So, what does the airline manager do? Make us attend to so many other lines so that when we face the check-in agent, all they need to issue are our boarding passes and baggage tags. Then they can falsely claim that their ground crews are fast and efficient! Make sense, right?! TO THEM! Not to us passengers! Oh idiots galore! Idiots!
Here is one more inside information I got from an airline employee: If you the passenger got denied entry at your destination for false or incomplete documents or the likes, the airline employee who checked you in is at fault and could get fired. But, weren’t your documents checked by the idiots at that small table before you lined up at the check-in counters? Idiots talaga!
Irritant Seven – Terminal Fees!
After check-in, everyone is confronted with another little stop that is big on any headache! These are the terminal fee counters.
Terminal what?
Yes, in this country that even charges you a fee for a pee, don’t think you won’t have to pay anything for having to be in an airport! Of course other countries do charge terminal fees. But in here, it is another entirely separate line that each passenger must queue in!
Well, a terminal fee is a kind of tax that each passenger must pay to the government because it erected for us the hell of an airport. It’s just like the mighty toll fee at NLEX or SLEX! Not that you wanted to be there but you have no choice but pass there. Of course I will be on your side if you start debating the difference between a terminal fee and a travel tax. But let us save that for another discussion! Let us just grant for the sake of this topic that we all are eager and happy to pay that terminal fee!
The irritating part at this point is that you have to fall in another long wait when your check-in agent could have collected that terminal fee for you. Again, I did ask many a check-in agent and terminal fee collector at all those airports and the uniform reply was “they are airline, we are airport” or the reverse “we are airport, they are airline”. With all those, only one thing comes to my mind… “#UCK”!
During my younger years, I vividly remember that those terminal fees were paid by my father at the check-in counters (international flights) and were included in the ticket fare (domestic flights). So, what happened? Bright idle minds prevailed! These government people are probably in a hurry and can only think of themselves and their wants (probably to stash that cash quicker) so they cannot consider what we the passengers have to go through! They couldn’t care if we have to fall in even a thousand lines like refugees. All they need is our cash. Period! Ooops oops oops! Hold your horses if you ever thought of asking, “don’t they also become passengers sometime”?
Technically no they don’t become so! Here’s why. The “officials” get exemptions so they don’t pay the terminal fee (and even the travel tax). Those who are not exempted and have to pay anyway have their alalays and bodyguards to line up for them so they don’t wait it out. For those non-officials in government, there are only two things – either they already have such a lot of loot they also have alalays and bodyguards to line up for them or they are dirt poor they can’t even afford an air ticket to Legaspi! Gosh! Well, those who are government employees but can afford to buy an air ticket who still have to line up at the terminal fee counters are not legislators but mere workers who sell “tocino” at their offices and probably got the air ticket money from a loan shark because they have to attend the burial of some family member in their province! So they’re just like us the riding public. Oh government! Right or wrong, rich or poor, thine ways are to be abhorred! Hehehe!
Bottom-line, we the traveling public have to queue again only to pay that outrageous terminal fee. And this is not yet the last of such irritants.
Irritant Eight – ANOTHER X-Ray Security Check?!
Before we jump into this last irritant during a “normal” departure process, let’s get some word across for the international traveler. Yes, I do recognize that after those terminal fee counters you again fall in line for the immigration counters. But that’s normal anywhere in the world, right? Maybe it’s just longer in the Philippines (though I have seen longer queues in other countries) but those immigration officials can only have so many counters as the airport authorities can give! But after immigration, good for you, you get to have a brief interlude with sanity while browsing along the duty free shops or musing at the ridiculous prices of sodas or sandwiches at those snack bars. At least you have some respite before you encounter this last irritant!
Anyway, what about this OTHER x-ray thing? Irritant as they are for the otherwise jolly traveler, these security checks “after check-in” are proof of just one thing. The authorities do not trust their people at the first security check near the entrance to the building. Otherwise everything should have been secure, clear and clean and even “sanitized” in the tone of “security parlance”! Thus, they must do a re-check! And poor us airline travelers, we have to line up again!
Most irritating part especially on the domestic terminals is that these “security checks” are just a few feet from the first ones! At the old domestic terminal, the distance is no more than 10 feet – it’s just that they’re separated by a wall since you have to make some kind of an inverted u-turn after check-in to the terminal fee counter and on to the final security x-ray.
At the centennial terminal’s domestic wing (and this should probably be listed in the Guinness book of world records), the next security x-ray is about three steps behind the terminal fee counters which is just about four or five meters from the first x-ray machine! To illustrate that distance, anyone can call out to anybody at the other x-ray machine and that call will be audibly heard! Even my 8 year old nephew questioned why those checks existed a few meters in between! If it is any consolation, we can say that these days, wisdom seems to come only from the children! And we thought people in government have to pass a civil service examination. Isn’t logic (or even common sense) part of that exam? Idiots! Really!
Irritant Nine – ANOTHER Airline Security Check!
Ah this one is for some of the international travelers – only! Many a passenger would have recovered his sanity after the 8th irritant above. But for those traveling to the US and the Middle East, there is one extra trouble. This may occur as you approach those rows of seats in front of your boarding gate (“holding area” to the airport/airline personnel). Alternatively, this can also happen just after your boarding pass was torn into half and as you walk past the gate towards the aircraft.
So what do they do here? A repeat of everything! As if to assure you they do not have any confidence in the previous security checks you have so diligently passed through, they will have an army of blue-guards (security guards like those who tend to your buildings or village gates and the likes and of course like those who man the entrance to the building) to check everything that you carry. This time, no x-rays. They use their bare hands or a stick to rummage inside your bags as if they know better than those who man the x-ray checks! Some of them will ogle at your tickets and passports and boarding passes as if they know any better than your check-in agents and your immigration officers! Idiots!
But then again this is the final obstacle to maintaining your sanity. So keep on and let them do want their lowly minds think they should rightfully do!
Final Word!
No need to raise these things to any congressman or senator. If you do anyway, you should seek a great cut from their pork barrels for having made them realize what needs to be done – even if they won’t do it anyway hahaha! All we the passengers must take into consideration is to expect these many irritants at our airports and be prepared to pass through them with calm and composure as indeed they are inevitable.
Being aware of many stupid things to come your way, all you have to do is smile with the affirmation in your mind, that indeed, these ridiculous ceremonies are true! You won’t be that irritated if you expected those things coming. Promise! You will even feel triumphant you came expecting those, especially if you prepared your “mind-set” that this is no ordinary rush to board an airplane! And everything above will now make you understand why they want you to be at the airport 3 hours before departure! Who knows, in the future, we might be required to be at the airport a day before fly time! Idiots talaga!
Enjoy your flight!
1 Comments
hi!!!
ReplyDeletethis is my second comment to you, the first one i wrote about your bohol entry. nice.:)
but digressing to this one, i mean, airports, i cannot emphasize enough how true and valid your feelings are. you just wrote what ALL of us keep ranting about. you see, i work inside the PAL Terminal and believe me, kahit kaming mga employees get frustrated about the whole frisking and security thing.
nyways... un lang.